Thursday, October 25, 2007

Day to Day

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Although the original intent of my blog had been to reflect upon profound things in art, life, and religious, I find myself merely reflecting what is going on in my life, which may, or may not, involve art or religion. Honestly, most of the things I now have to reflect upon involve my daughter. Not very academic or insightful, but it is true to life.

Since there's little value in trying to make something of myself that I'm just... Not, I'll be who I am - a wife, mother, and occasional artist who happens to do youth work in her church.

I'll throw some cliche sayings at you: my children are my art. There's no greater job than raising God-loving people to adulthood. Yada, yada. While I think there is an essential truth to these things, I do find it irritating that we stay-with-our-kids-24/7-mom's feel the need to justify what we do. I know that I feel the need to somehow make what I do on a daily basis equal to what I had received training to do whilst in college. Unfortunately, the day to day reality is that at some level, I am not content being "only" a 24/7 childcare provider. It's not that I don't have enough to do, or that I sit around bored for hours on end. I don't even keep up with household chores. I don't spend much time on hobbies. It comes down to wanting a PURPOSE for the things that I do in life, having a deadline, and specific goals in mind, to which another person can hold me accountable. Working for someone else provides the structure that I (apparently) desire in my work. I wouldn't make a very good self-employed person.

Don't be mislead to thinking that I don't enjoy being with my daughter. I'm attached enough that I wouldn't want to be away from her during the day. I wouldn't trade being a "stay-at-home-mom" for a career in the design industry, or a life in academia. I suppose, ultimately, I'm frustrated that I can't have both, at the exact same time.

And that is the nature of life, that there are choices to make, and sacrifices so we can accomplish that which matters most to us.


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