Tuesday, September 07, 2010

balance; or, do you know where your scriptures are?

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I've lamented in the past that I spend too much time on the computer.  Unfortunately, it still proves to be true.

For a while, I spent a lot of time on some online forums.  I've wasted countless hours daily, playing around on facebook, and even back in the day, MySpace (does anyone even use myspace anymore?)

My current online obsession is entering giveaways.  I've won some things, but really, I don't think the time investment is worth it.  Yet, I still enter into these giveaways on other people's blogs.

I need to find balance in my life. Being on the computer can be okay (like productive blogging, right? Or purposeful research.) But it certainly should be moderated.

I have occasionally imagined deleting accounts and ditching my over-wired life. I vacillate between canceling my cell phone service, and getting an awesome new smartphone that would allow me to be connected wherever I am.

In my jaunt across the blogosphere, I've come across some blogs of women whom I want to emulate. They seem to have it together - they are Godly women, raising their families, being awesome homemakers, and telling their readers about it all.  I know that can be misleading. I mean, I could talk like a person who's all connected with God, but that would be pretty fake.  I barely ever pray anymore. When I do pray, it's that awkward kind of prayer  - 'um, Hi God. So, like, it's been a REALLY LONG TIME since we've talked.  I don't really know what to say.... Cause, uh, you know what's going on already. So.... um. Yeah. Hi."

My scriptures are packed away in a box, and even if they weren't they'd be sitting on a shelf.

Check that. They are on the shelf.

See? I didn't even know where they were.

I've struggled with this awkward relationship for several years.  I think people that know me might get the impression that I'm supertight with Jesus, but sometimes I'm thinking that he'd be all "Did I know you?" I can talk a good show, because clearly I've picked up on scripture and theology, but not because I've personally studied.  I'm just good a regurgitating quotes and other people's thoughts. I know things in my head, but I don't really keep it in my heart.

I don't want to fail my kids, either. What kind of example have I been setting? All they hear about Jesus is from a picture bible.  Jesus is just one more make-believe character in the stories that we read.

At various times in my life, I have made efforts to improve my relationship with the Lord.  I try to read scriptures daily.  I make efforts to pray regularly.  But it has always fallen apart before.

How can I make it stick?  I want the relationship with Christ that I see expressed by others.

2 comments:

Trent said...

I don't believe that Christianity is found in how often we read scripture or read the Bible. It's in how we treat others and how we raise our children.

Jesus didn't die so that we'd sit around and pray to him five times a day. He died so that we'd have a chance to overcome our human weaknesses and be better people. The Bible and scripture are just guides to help us get back on track when we're stuck.

We're in a good relationship with Christ when we treat other people well, when we don't judge them and instead help them, when we share whatever gifts we have with others.

I feel far closer to Christ when I'm teaching Joe how to share or actively listening to my niece vent without judging the choices she's made or cleaning out a community center after a flood than I ever do sitting in church or reading a Bible.

Mommy Is Green said...

I spend way too much time on the computer. It's part of the reason I haven't allowed myself to get Internet on my phone. When I'm out I'm out. Otherwise, I'd be way too obsessed.

I am in a similar situation with God. I thoroughly believe but haven't made much of a connection lately. It's very overdue.

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