I've lamented in the past that I spend too much time on the computer. Unfortunately, it still proves to be true.
For a while, I spent a lot of time on some online forums. I've wasted countless hours daily, playing around on facebook, and even back in the day, MySpace (does anyone even use myspace anymore?)
My current online obsession is entering giveaways. I've won some things, but really, I don't think the time investment is worth it. Yet, I still enter into these giveaways on other people's blogs.
I need to find balance in my life. Being on the computer can be okay (like productive blogging, right? Or purposeful research.) But it certainly should be moderated.
I have occasionally imagined deleting accounts and ditching my over-wired life. I vacillate between canceling my cell phone service, and getting an awesome new smartphone that would allow me to be connected wherever I am.
In my jaunt across the blogosphere, I've come across some blogs of women whom I want to emulate. They seem to have it together - they are Godly women, raising their families, being awesome homemakers, and telling their readers about it all. I know that can be misleading. I mean, I could talk like a person who's all connected with God, but that would be pretty fake. I barely ever pray anymore. When I do pray, it's that awkward kind of prayer - 'um, Hi God. So, like, it's been a REALLY LONG TIME since we've talked. I don't really know what to say.... Cause, uh, you know what's going on already. So.... um. Yeah. Hi."
My scriptures are packed away in a box, and even if they weren't they'd be sitting on a shelf.
Check that. They are on the shelf.
See? I didn't even know where they were.
I've struggled with this awkward relationship for several years. I think people that know me might get the impression that I'm supertight with Jesus, but sometimes I'm thinking that he'd be all "Did I know you?" I can talk a good show, because clearly I've picked up on scripture and theology, but not because I've personally studied. I'm just good a regurgitating quotes and other people's thoughts. I know things in my head, but I don't really keep it in my heart.
I don't want to fail my kids, either. What kind of example have I been setting? All they hear about Jesus is from a picture bible. Jesus is just one more make-believe character in the stories that we read.
At various times in my life, I have made efforts to improve my relationship with the Lord. I try to read scriptures daily. I make efforts to pray regularly. But it has always fallen apart before.
How can I make it stick? I want the relationship with Christ that I see expressed by others.